dreams are better than realities....

In my dreams, words meant something.
In my dreams, when you said you loved me you meant it.
In my dreams, trust was sacred.
In my dreams, when you said always, it was permanent.
In my dreams, I mattered as a human being not as an investment.
In my dreams, I could trust you.
In my dreams, I could love you.
In my dreams, I could open up to you without fear.
In my dreams, you opened up to me.
In my dreams, you were honest with me.
In my dreams, there was us.
In my dreams, we had a sincere connection.

Dreams are better.

http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/relationships/article2602592.ece

Tags: beta males, domination, femme domme, subdar, submission, submissive males, women

I refuse to get on twitter. I wont even get on twitter as a "virtual tweeter" with a "screenname" never mind as my real self. There are a couple of reasons for this- I'm not good at expressing myself in 140 characters, don't want 400 "followers" am not interested in commercial tweets, and refuse to buy into the illusion that my followers are my friends. (On a tangent, I pulled the myspace profile and haven't heard from my 91 "friends" since: ah intimacy!) I got on facebook, under my real name, and as a social obligation since people can no longer speak to one another in person. I'd estimate that no more than 1/3rd of my 416 "facebook friends" would give a hoot if I pulled the plug there.
Anyhow, back to twitter, tweeting and general tweetness. A friend of mine recently pointed to a story at http://www.theawl.com/2009/11/what-were-black-people-talking-about-on-twitter-last-night

Evidently, there is a tweet channel called "what were black people talking about on twitter last night?" Glancing through the screenshot, where all four posts were hypersexualized ghetto slang on how to tell if you're having bad sex ("If she leaves before you even get the condom off" is my personal favorite and I have no doubt that some women would do this with men and then wonder why men get pissed at them), I had a thought: if a Martian landed and its first exposure to Blacks was that twitter page, it may sign up for the KKK.

I never met a Black person until I was 8 years old and on a trip to New Orleans. I did not go to segregated schools. My family did not have slaves or their modern day equivalents, nannies/housekeepers (if you're ever on the upper west side of manhattan you will see legions of hatian and jamaican women pushing around white kids in strollers). I hate all people equally and must say that I'm proud to do so. I'll do my best to treat you individually.

Of course, I still have my physical preferences, I'm still generally more attracted to black women than white still submit to some black women in a way I don't to most white women but what I don't/won't do is to make race the center of interactions. I want to know you as a person.

This is a noble goal but not one easily achieved in the internet age or in online bdsm "relationships" which basically amount to virtual shopping sprees amid false declarations of love between two people who could care less about one another. (My personal favorite example of this was several days of intense hypnosis and emotional bonding followed by "sacrifice for me" which is dommespeak for cash. I could have sent 40 cents on paypal and be done with it but instead I explained, futily, once more, that I want to be viewed as more than just a cash machine.) Additionally, and madamkuro touched on this, you can sit at home, jerking off and professing your devotion to 30 dommes at the same time via yahoo messenger. [And you can sit at home, gab with your girlfriends, look at handbags online and make fun of 30 people professing their devotion to you while taking their money and professing your "love" for them. Nikki once asked if I thought she sent goodnight messages to everyone. To be honest, I think if you had a pulse, the right phrases to use and some green, you too could get a goodnight message. Given how quickly she washed her hands of me its obvious I never mattered to her no matter what she said otherwise for two straight years.]

Of course, as said before, this whole cash for love scheme is a parasitic one. The one with the cash is the boss. I mean, if I said "nikki lets have lunch. I'll pay you $100,000.00 for it." we would be having lunch. Now, this means that you're trading your body and soul and being for cash [or the promise of cash since online subs are generally full of shit. I strived to be different but hey, different doesn't pay. Being honest, true, vulnerable, real, etc etc just gets you text messages mocking you for being depressed when your grandmother dies. Right? :] And you're trading it to people who have the cash.

Who has a lot of cash in America? Generally, white people. Generally, suburban white people. Generally, suburban white people whose most meaningful interactions with nonwhite people is ordering Chinese delivery. Now, generally, these white people, who are married to other white people, have fantasies about black people because its something strange and unknown to them and mystery in life is often a turn on. So they get online and see this:




She is smoking hot right? (Neat voice too.) But what do you know about her? Do you know her hobbies? Her hopes, dreams, fears? Her frigging name? No. You know an anonymous black girl with big titties whom you can pay, by the minute, to get you off. She is a service to you, no different from the Chinese food. [Not the deliveryman but the food itself. She is a consumable product. You feast on her body for your own selfish purposes and she lets you because she is getting money and therefore having her needs met as well.] She is a cartoon to you. You're an abstraction to her. If you're Mr. Smith in Nassau county and your sole contact with black people is as described, you're gonna be an [unintentionally] racist prick. After you're done with her its off to



and you know what you want there as well. While paying for her, you'll pay a few bucks to see




and that person's video says you can buy her used bras. So you do and jerk off to them. Hey, its your money. Do you know these women? No. Do you even know their names? No. Do you care? No. To you, they are a foreign object, a "different" flavor, an experiment. You feel entitled (hey its your money and its not like titties are a special skill. These women don't bring anything new to the table that you can't get elsewhere.) You have no qualms about using these women. They have no qualms about using you.

So lets say that after a couple of weeks/months/years of hiding in his attic and spending his kids' college fund on the above, Mr. Smith gets really randy and decides that he wants to see some honest to goodness actual black people. In person. So he goes out to Harlem where he imagines all black people must live. He sees an attractive black woman and starts thinking of her the same way he thought of these internet gals. She may be a doctor, she may be a piano player genius, she may be whatever, but to Mr. Smith she is no different from the girls Mr. Smith has been using and has been used by for so long. And its not all Mr. Smith's fault.

It's also her fault:




And hers:




And hers:






Getting online means thinking that you're in a bubble. Ending a relationship is as easy as turning off messenger and blocking a user id. Nobody is real to you. Everyone is an expandable. But what you do and say will still linger

Tags: "dommes", "friends", black women, financial domination, one night stands, online, race, reality, relationships, twitter

a long time ago I had notions that I would have an actual human relationship with another person. Yes a submissive relationship but a human one. Yes i would give money but it would be a part of the relationship not the whole. Yes, i would drool over her body but I would also get to know her soul. i would make a commitment and so would she. i would endure, i would sacrifice, i would do things i wouldn't want to do all because i was hers, a sincere, genuine part of her world. i would and did tell her my hopes, fears, dreams, nightmares and trust her like no other because s/m is about that trust.

Meh fuck that. Bring on the tits for cash extravaganza! I will soon be "loved" once more!

Tags: "dommes", boobs, c4s, financial domination, jacking off, money, nikki, parasites, reality, tits, whoring

Am proud to say that my screensaver is a rapidly rotating set of delicious boobs. Slutdom has its privileges. Some examples

Tags: boobs, relationships

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/1353695841.html

From an Old Woman to a Young Woman
Date: 2009-09-01, 1:22PM PDT

1. You are not a victim. No matter what happens to you, don't take the pussy route and blame the world for your misfortune. If you were sexually assaulted, verbally abused, etc and lived to tell about it; take your pain and help those who need it. Writing emo poetry isn't going to solve anything.

2. Invest in your education first, your looks second. Anyone can pay a plastic surgeon to look hot, but not everyone can read a book and do simple math.

3. No matter what you call it, having a 'man to take you shopping' is glorified prostitution. He wants you for your body, you want him for his wallet. Cut the crap and call it what it is.

4. Do not seek confidence in other people. Magazines, celebrities and most pop influences are there to make you feel like you're nothing. Don't buy into it. Those celebrities need your money to look fabulous. Invest in yourself, not hype.

5. Stop fueling gossip mongers [Perez Hilton, TMZ.]. They have nothing to talk about and if you follow them for long, neither will you.

6. Be modest; why have all your goods unwrapped and leave nothing for the imagination?

7. Know the difference between fucking and love. There is a major difference and if you don't know it, pick up a book or ask someone who does.

8. Do not have children just because you're lonely or insecure. Your child will end up hating you for it and you won't get the emotional blanket you hoped you'd get.

9. Get a job. Seriously. Just because you're a woman doesn't mean that you are excused from work. Find a trade, get a job. If you are a house wife, be a good one. If you are a career woman, put your heart into what you do.

10. A respectable companion is rarely at a 'bar' or da club'. These places are meat markets and will only set you up for a douchebag or a wimp. If you go, refer to rule 7.

11. Learn to cook. Cooking is a dying skill that needs not be. You'd be surprise how much weight you lose and how you can get a decent companion if you know more than picking up a phone and calling for dinner.

12. Get off your phone. If it's not your best friend, your job or your family, your cackling is not important and the rest of the world does not want to hear it. Listen more. Talk less.

13. Stop putting so much of your money into things [purses, shoes, make up] and start putting it into a savings account, a 401k or an IRA. Those shoes are not going to vest when you turn 65.

14. Stop using men to get you stuff. Have some self respect and buy your own drinks, meals and entertainment. A date will respect you more if you show them you are not helpless.

15. Perfume and baby powder does not make up for good hygiene. Shower, do your laundry, clean your place. Body odor is not excusable for either genders.

16. If you are a Lesbian, respect yourself and stop trying to find acceptance in the world. 9/10 they will not accept you. Tell them 'fuck you' and be your own woman.

17. If you are a Lesbian, you are not anymore special or important than anyone else. You love other women and you have that right, but do not flex your preference thinking it makes you unique. Your mind and experiences make you unique, either gay or straight.

18. Buy clothes that fit. Be tasteful with your clothing be you big or small.

19. Don't eat for comfort, vomit to make yourself beautiful, and starve yourself to feel loved. Exercise, be sensible with your food choices, don't deprive yourself but never eat too much. The quickest way to a size 30, and to the grave, is past your teeth.

20. If they say the love you, ask them to earn your heart through good deeds, genuine kindness and respect.

21. Romance is not dead; but if you're not willing to give it, don't expect it in return.

22. Stop being a bitch to other women and other people. If you are not happy, go get therapy. No one deserves to be berated because you don't have the guts to berate yourself.

23. Do something new every day. Pole dance to learn about your sensuality, paint to express your creativity, write a blog to express your soul. Evolve and never stop learning.

24. Look in the mirror everyday and smile at what you see.

25. Stay safe. Learn to defend yourself against one or multiple attackers. Jackals do not attack if they see a big stick. If all else fails, run. There is no shame in running if it keeps you safe.

26. Love yourself. Always. When you love yourself to the fullest, the world will open with opportunities

Tags: honesty, reality

A friend of mine wrote a blog about how the guy who shot up the army base in texas, Tim McVeigh and someone else who committed murders were all soldiers. And its an interesting connection. The army is teaching you to fight, to kill, to harm. It may be a just fight but still a fight. Its unrealistic to expect 18, 20 year old kids to be trained that way, thrown into combat, sent home, discharged and then forgotten about. They will need long term care.

And the same way with online relationships. Think about it: If you're the sort who prides herself on being a lifestyle domme and looks down at so called instas, if you're the kind who goes on about being valuable and wanting to forge a connection, if you're keen on training and talk about how devoted your subs are to you, then you can't very well expect, after 5 months or a year of intense communication that you'll just turn your back on them and walk away.

A domme- madame_kuro i think- wrote about how instasubs are born in the age of messenger because they can send IMs professing their devotion to 20 dommes at once. True and a let down I am sure. The same goes for subs tho: I know its partly economics with subs outnumbering dommes 5:1 at least but its partly that people can really, earnestly say things and not mean a word of it. and the thing of it is, that if they are REALLY good at faking, you might believe them. You may abandon your good sense and go with your heart. You may put caution aside because you have naive notions about how so much of this lifestyle is based on trust.

And long after the other person doesn;t even remember your name anymore, you remember and wow to never believe again.

Tags: absence, abuse, reality, relationships, submission, transformation, trust, unconditional love
Current Mood: contemplative

A cry for help? Online? Whoever, whatever, chances are 99.999999999999% its a scam. Don't believe a word anyone says to you on here. Ever.

I always felt that men are born gay and women eventually become lesbians. Meaning men are how they are: a gay guy at 20 will still be a gay guy at 40: and same for straight guys. (As for bisexuals, most are really guys hoping to score a threesome by pretending). Women on the other hand decide at some point "bah I hate men, gonna play with girls now." And by the same token later decide "girls are whiny and clingy. I want a guy to buy me a house." Now, some girls are lesbians and always have been: these are the girls who don't and have never acted "girly". The ones who never played with Barbie or spent an afternoon trying different nail polish brands. (And if you don't think a woman can spend a whole afternoon on nail polish brands, you are so very very wrong.) These are the real lesbians. They don't question why they are with girls. It just never occurred to them to be with guys. (Much like straight guys who never once wondered why they are into girls.) They (real lesbians) don't necessarily like other girls, especially not the girls who are lesbians for the sake of a thrill, a meal or a car ride to the beach, but they could never be with men.

Someone explained the difference like this: A girl goes out to a hot dog stand. She likes the hot dogs and they come with a lot of free stuff like mustard, ketchup, relish etc etc. So she gets hot dogs. But deep down, all hot dogs are more or less the same. Doesn't matter if its Sabre or or All American, pork or beef, New York or Chicago, a hot dog is a hot dog, no matter how jazzed up it is.

So one day she decides to try sushi instead. Its rarer, has more flavors and is just plain different from hot dogs. But the thing is,whether its eel or salmon, sushi is basically fish, rice and seaweed. It gets boring too. Plus, sushi being a hotter commodity you can't be as picky. Can't just storm out of the sushi joint without paying and scream at the guy at the counter to fuck himself because it may take a while to find another sushi place. So she goes back for hot dogs. Not because she likes hot dogs but because there is a hot dog cart on every corner and she can make a scene, throw the hot dog into the vendors face and storm away without paying secure in the knowledge that somewhere close by someone else will sell her a hot dog and if she gets flirty and shows a little skin she may even get 2 hot dogs- and as mentioned, hot dogs come with free stuff which is not to be taken lightly. So these gals are bisexuals.

A lesbian on the other hand never once contemplates a hot dog no matter how deluxe or flavorful. She doesn't hate hot dogs just doesn't have any desire for them. The sushi may be kinda same samey and she may get bored with it but she tips nice and doesn't make a scene because she knows that sushi is rare (especially GOOD sushi) and she would rather starve than go for a hot dog. She is committed to sushi: not necessarily a particular place or flavor but the food as it is.

I am definitely evolving in my relationships. For example, I just told someone that I loved her and didn't feel anything about it- or about her.